How to Set Screen Time Rules Across Two Homes Without Fighting

Two homes, two sets of rules — and kids stuck in the middle. Here’s a calm, practical way to create device rules both households can follow, so your child feels safe, consistent, and drama-free.

Why Two-Home Rules Break Down

• Competing goals: one home prioritizes calm evenings, the other “keeps the peace” with unlimited screens.
• No written agreement: vague expectations = constant renegotiation.
• Mixed messages: “Dad’s strict / Mom’s fun” makes kids push boundaries everywhere.

The 20-Minute Agreement Framework

Use this quick outline to get to a shared, written plan in one sitting:

1. Goal (1 min) — “We both want sleep, homework done, and safe online behavior.”
2. 3 Non-negotiables (3 min) — bedtime screens off, homework before gaming, no devices at dinner.
3. Time blocks (5 min) — school nights vs. weekends; total daily limits by age.
4. Content & supervision (5 min) — app ratings, parental controls, no secret accounts.
5. Consequences (3 min) — same in both homes; short, predictable, written.
6. Review (3 min) — monthly check-in; adjust once, then stick to it.

Core Rules (Copy & Adapt)

• Curfew: devices off 60 minutes before bedtime; no phones in bedrooms overnight.
• Homework first: entertainment only after tasks are done.
• Meal times: no devices at the table; talk > scroll.
• Daily limits: school nights ≤ 60–90 min; weekends ≤ 2–3 h, age-appropriate.
• Safe platforms: no 18+ content; private accounts with known contacts only.
• Parental controls: same settings in both homes; shared passwords for guardians.
• Consequences: loss of entertainment time next day (predictable, not punitive).

Scripts for Co-Parent Conversations

“Let’s write the device plan so we aren’t renegotiating every week. I’m proposing the same bedtime, a no-phones dinner, and homework-first. Can we start there?”

“If we keep consequences identical, our child adapts faster. How about: if limits are ignored, they lose tomorrow’s entertainment time?”

“I’m not debating feelings over text. Send edits to the written plan; I’ll reply by 6 PM.”

Talking to Your Child

• “Two homes, one set of rules. That helps your brain rest and your body sleep better.”
• “If you forget, no problem — you’ll try again tomorrow. The plan is the same in both homes.”
• “Tell me if something online makes you uncomfortable. I’ll help, not punish.”

FAQs